Top 5 Ugliest Cellphones
April 21, 2008 at 01:00:00 AM, by Kevin Gilbert
We took a look at the most expensive, gawdy, stomach churning designs and come up with our Top 5 list of "World's Ugliest Cellphones".
Today, I bring you the most revolting, disgusting and outrageously overpriced cell phones this planet has to offer. I would rather poke my eyeballs out with a rusty, tetanus infected ice pick than be in the presence of any of the following cell phone monstrosities. These cell phones are so hideous in every sense of the word that even Medusa herself may turn to stone after viewing these grotesque gadgets. With no further adieu, I present to you the five most expensive and nausea evoking cell phones in the world (in my opinion of course).
Vertu's Signature Cobra Cellphone
For starters, the phone features a bevy of precious stones from French jeweler Boucheron and the cost is a staggering $310,000 USD. If the hefty price tag is the only thing causing you to have second thoughts, well than take a gander at the obscenely large ruby laden serpent adorning the phone and that will be sure to scare you away (well, at least if you have any sort of taste or Ophiophobia) All in all, this rock-endowed behemoth features a pear-cut diamond, one round white diamond, two emeralds for eyes and 439 rubies. As far as features go, considering the price and all, does it really matter? It may offer a nice speakerphone, but when you could own a Rolls Royce Phantom for the same price, the importance of features dwindles. The Signature Cobra is basically a normal cell phone, with some expensive rocks glued to its exterior. The Cobra is so ugly, it makes Leatherface from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre look like Marilyn Monroe.
Tag Heuer's Meridiist
Upon viewing the Meridiist, I have come to the realization that watchmaker Tag Heuer should really stick to doing what they do best; making watches. The stainless steel and crocodile skin do not warrant the $6,100 asking price and it shouldn't be the first thing stopping any sensible person from purchasing this putrid portable. With a 2-megapixel camera, Bluetooth connectivity and a 1.9" QVGA screen, the specifications are about as unimpressive as the looks. It does have 7 hours of talk time and an external OLED clock display, but that doesn't make up for the unpleasant appearance and exorbitant cost.
Nokia 3250 XpressMusic
The Nokia 3250 dimensions come in at 103.8 x 50 x 19.8 mm and it weighs approximately 115g, however the small size does not make up for the large ugliness factor. It has a limited battery life, with about 3 hours of talk time. The phones biggest gimmick is the ability to rotate the bottom half of the phone into three positions: phone mode, music mode and camera mode. The mode rotation is truly an innovative feature, but rather it's the leading factor in the phone's downward spiral into ugly-ville. Nokia must have chosen the colors from a paint swatch of vomit colors based on the options of putrid green or gag reflex pink. The black doesn't look too bad, but the rotating number pad causes it to be put into the same category as its crass counterparts. And for $509 I think the color choice could be a little better, at least if the color choices were not based on colors that the human body expels.
Special-edition LG Fusic
For starters, this phone has so many Swarovski crystals adorning its case that is looks like it has crystal chickenpox. The black and white coloring is okay, but the addition of the bling-bling detracts substantially from the phone's overall look. However, the phone is not commercially available, which in my humble opinion is a good thing. In fact the Special-edition Fusic will serve a greater purpose, as it will be auctioned to raise funds for the Jermaine Dupri Foundation. But, I do wish that the phone's looks were as good as the cause.
Blackberry LRG Courvoisier
A cell phone based on a famous wine brand isn't such a bad idea, but the LRG Courvoisier branded Blackberry looks as though they purchased the leftover paint from a bus-making factory. The Courvoisier cell comes from LRG and urban skate company. Any wine connoisseur who would ponder owning this beast should think twice of the chiding they would receive from fellow enthusiasts and any member of the vast populace. The color scheme is horrifying, but the Spy vs. Spy'esque guy on the back is pretty neat, but not astounding enough to promote the purchase of the phone. The yellow tincture is the least of the LRG Courvoisier Blackberry's problems, as the tribal looking designs on the front don't really add to the appeal.
Of course, everyone has their own opinions about what the world's ugliest cell phones might be, and if you want to contribute, make a comment below. We'd love to hear what you think.
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