Top 5 Most Boring Video Games Ever
June 24, 2009 at 07:06:25 AM, by Jesper Berg
Do you remember games like Bronkie the Bronchiasaurus – the asthmatic dinosaur who fights dangerously furry animals armed only with an inhaler? Or Captain Bible, who enlightens with the power of bible quotes?
Didn’t think you would. Computer- and video games from the “edutainment” genre have been reasonably successful on occasion, the Carmen Sandiego series for example, but these games failed to appeal even to their target audiences thanks to ill-conceived design and excruciatingly boring themes.
Before I start here I’d like to point out that diabetes and asthma are severe disorders that negatively impact the lives of millions every day. For that reason, I’d like to plead to game developers not to further torment sick children with games like these:
Bronkie the Bronchiasaurus (SNES)
Bronkie – AKA "Health Hero" – is a dinosaur with a severe bronchial disorder, but that’s not all of his problems. In the game a meteorite just struck Earth, covering it with clouds of asthma-inducing dust particles.
Only a giant fan can save the dinosaurs from extinction, but it’s been stolen by the evil Dr. Rexo. Now we already know what happened to the dinosaurs after the meteor struck, but nonetheless Bronkie is willing to try and change the inevitable together with his equally asthmatic friend Trakie.
Captain Novolin (SNES)
In this game, developed in cooperation with the Danish insulin manufacturer Novo Nordisk, you play the superhero Captain Novolin, who has diabetes. Blubberman the evil alien has kidnapped the mayor and stolen the insulin supplies.
Wearing the cape of Captain Novolin, you must use your superpowers to rescue the mayor. A slight impediment is that Captain Novolin’s superpowers consist of the power to (sometimes) resist sweetened foodstuffs and being reasonably good at managing his diabetes. So the objective of the game is for the most part avoiding your enemies by jumping or ducking.
Captain Bible in Dome of Darkness (PC)
A Dome of Darkness has descended upon a city, making its inhabitants forget their bible stories. Your mission as Captain Bible is to save the city from false doctrines by reading them suitable bible quotes.
Being a superhero, you would think that Captain Bible has a few extraordinary powers, and of course he does: the power of Faith. He can also slowly but certainly bore a stone to death with his knowledge of the Holy Scriptures. Sometimes, though, the good Captain needs to recharge these superpowers by pausing to pray and study his Bible.
Immune Attack (PC)
From the sound of it, Immune Attack might have been a scary Resident Evil clone, but this game comes courtesy of Escape Hatch Entertainment and the Federation of American Scientists. The game itself is about traveling inside the body of a sick patient with a nano-robot, training her immune cells back to working order. You are also armed with a large database full of immunology facts. The game is free to download, and if you’re still not convinced just listen to the scientists’ hard sell:
It teaches immunology in a fun and engaging way that is different from the traditional classroom setting, making use of the “challenge and reward” paradigm found in most video games.
Packy & Marlon (SNES/PC)
Packy & Marlon was made by WaveQuest, the same developer that brought you Bronkie the Bronchiosaurus, although this time they’re “edutaining” you about diabetes. The protagonists are two diabetic elephants who just arrived at summer camp. Unfortunately things have gone awry at Camp Wa-Kee – rodents have raided the camp and scattered food and diabetes supplies everywhere. Now it’s up to Packy and Marlon to save the entire camp, all while keeping their blood glucose at healthy levels and answering random questions about diabetes.
A study performed on children who were exposed to the game showed that it actually had a positive effect on their diabetes management. What the study fails to show, however, were the horrific side-effects suffered from exposure to Packy & Marlon, said to include loss of hair, seizures, death by boredom, and suicide.
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Comments
Jimmy at 14:05, June 26, 2009
I like children and Diabeties....so I am cool too. Plus I can run really fast http://www.thedrunkcanuck.com
Anti at 13:36, June 26, 2009
Are you trying to be hip by bashing games that actually helped diabetic children or something?
Anti at 13:36, June 26, 2009
Are you trying to be hip by bashing games that actually helped diabetic children or something?